My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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