So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize