I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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