too bad you live with your parents still
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
