I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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