took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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