i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
