We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
