So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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