Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
