i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
