That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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