I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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