I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
pop tarts are not kleenex
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
