he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I think a kid would responsible me up
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
