i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
