I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize