Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You're a waste of cheezeits
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
