i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
