508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
