he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
