I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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