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I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
