Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize