fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
zippers are such a cool invention
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
