im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
