Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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