He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Couch. On fire.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
