he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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