And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
