Dude my mom stole all your condoms
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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