the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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