2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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