Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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