She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
