My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize