How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
