U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize