I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
