Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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