How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize