thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
