pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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