is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
