you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
