At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize