East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
