I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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