I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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