does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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