the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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