I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
