I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
