If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize