Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
