um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Randomize
