What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
