you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
