I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
