Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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