I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
