in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
