She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
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