I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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