Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
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