I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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