I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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