I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
