Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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