Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Randomize
