you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
