And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
