i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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