Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
