She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
