i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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