By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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