I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
