I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
