For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
