Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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