neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just want to make out with him forever
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
