it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
