you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
