My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
