dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize