i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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