I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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