Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
