In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
