Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
