Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
