Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Buhtt sex?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
