I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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