I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
