she kept yelling 'call me bella'
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize