Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
