Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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