I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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