Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
