Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
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