On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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