found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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