I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
