I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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