So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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