totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
