i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
