I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
