I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize