I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
