I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
