you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
