You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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