Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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