I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
