There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
