Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
