So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
