i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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