I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize