I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
